whilst reading a couple of my favorite weight blogs, i came across a link to watch this documentary about obesity on pbs online.
i think i mentioned before about using caution with the word "addiction" b/c it may become a word to enable you. well me, i think so... i bet i have done a binge or ten of, "i cant help it. whats the point in stopping/trying, i'll give in anyway" sort of talk. i wonder everyday what is it that's different this time. i love my slow steady weight loss, and i dont feel like an addict or a victim, rather i feel very in charge of my life and my choices and feel blessed that this is my life right now. i feel so fucking proud that im doing this solely with smart food choices and exercise.
and how weird that people say their goal is to physically be the person that they just know they are on the inside. so people will see the real me... i will have more confidence... etc
i dont know if i ever felt that way. maybe a little? ive always been thick, i had a 6 months stint of being thin, and then back to thick again real quick. and for sure i missed the thin, but it's mostly surface things: i loved all my clothes, i loved crossing my legs, i loved my profile, i loved not being squeezed into a seat at the movies or in an airplane. yeah i want to keep losing weight for my health and all, but honest to god above that: i cant wait to wear my magic sweater again!
im not worried about fitting in or being liked/disliked, im not worried about what people will say or think. true i exercise at home and not in the gym, and maybe that's a little bit of modesty, but i think it's just as much just my nature, i stay solo and am content with it.
maybe i am shallow... or maybe i am confident. or maybe i'm over medicated.
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