So, I had gastric sleeve surgery...

 ... and plumb forgot all about this blog. I had surgery on 1/22/2018 at 262 lbs. Today I'm 139 lbs and haven't gained a pound in all this time. Thanks, Dr. Callery at Palomar Medical Center, Poway! I was 144 lbs on Jan 22 on my three year anniversary of the surgery; those last 5 lbs I've lost I think are due to either stress from the new job or the regular eating schedule (also due to the new job). Anyway, here's a pic i took from last year's anniversary. 

give it time

so i'm up 1.4 lbs today. i'm also on day 3 of my period. also, weighing every day can be mind-tricky b/c weight fluctuates like this. also my scale might need batteries b/c it read 225 at lowest and 234 at highest after weighing myself several times in the span of a couple of minutes. i must remember these things and not get discouraged. im excited to eventually compare day 1 to day 30.

i watched "Fit to Fat to Fit" on youtube the other day. in the show, a personal trainer intentionally gains like 60 lbs and then loses it. while losing, they work with an overweight client to bring to fit with them. at one part, the trainer was frustrated to be eating so much and not gaining a lot of weight. his wife told him to remember the feeling b/c they often tell their clients to keep to the program, dont give up, and give it time to work. i will keep all of this in mind today with this slight weight gain. no deviations today, i will give wonderslim program more time to work. im only on day ten!

staying motivated

i dont remember feeling so sure about losing weight since i did the jc program. i am just really really confident that i'm really going to do it this time. i attribute it to constantly stoking the motivation fire. everyday i blog on sparkpeople, i read/post on the fb groups for wonderslim and impatientdieter, i watch youtube videos related to weight loss. I like the wonderslim products and im super comfortable with the program. im going to do it, blogworld. this weight is coming off. im awesome.

ok forreals this time.

5/2/2017  i totally forgot i had this blog. i just reread all of my entries. ah man do i babble! In case any old readers are here: i lived and worked in south korea for a total of 8 years and i loved it. I am now home in america. I plan on returning abroad someday to teach English again, but i'm not sure when. right now family things are keeping me home for the unforeseeable future.

weight updates: my weight has bounced between 250 and 215 these years that ive been away from blogging. In august of last year i reached my highest weight ever of 256 lbs. I joined a gym, worked out 5 days a week and tried to watch what i ate and lost 20 lbs in 3 months and went down to 232 lbs. I liked the results but i did not enjoy the process. I re-learned about myself that im just not a gym person. there was never a day when going to teh gym didnt feel like a chore and I never enjoyed it. so anyways, I havent been to the gym since november. at my last doctor's appt, i was weighed and saw that i went up to 236 lbs.

One week ago, I started up wonderslim via impatient dieter and am currently at 232 lbs. It's going well and I plan on sticking to this program until i dont know when. im very comfortable with the program and it hasnt been hard to stick to so i'll just keep going until i decided to change to smth else i guess. my next big post will be when i reach 209 lbs and it'll mean 45 lbs down since aug 2016. stay tuned...

40 lbs down

stepped on the scale this morning and saw 214 and WOW i aint seen that number in a long long loooong time. today marks a full 40 lbs down. fuck yeah!

weight loss so far: 40 lbs
Biggest temptation: dad's spaghetti sauce/garlic bread
my treat: hookah
my best discovery: i can sort of cross my legs when i sit. fuck yeah!

hey, it's 2012!

hello blogworld! so a little update: i DID get the lapband in april 2010. i started at 238 lbs. at the start of march 2012, i was 226. *blush*

i guess i thought lapband would magically do it for me. and when it didnt, life things happened, you give up sort of and stop paying attention and stop making real and consistent efforts. to my sisters in the struggle: please know that i am proof that the lapband is a tool, not a solution, and you will not lose weight if you dont make the efforts.

i forgot all about this blog! end of february of this year,  i had a revelation. my birthday was coming up, i would turn 36... when i was young, i could blame my obesity on my parents and immaturity and etc etc, but im grown now. I make the choices now. I get to decide what happens. so march 1st, i decided to take another stab at controlling my food. i started following theimpatientdieter on youtube and using the wonderslim products that i buy at dietdirect.com.

 it's been one month and a 5 lb loss later. good for me! going for another 5 next month. let's goooooo!

the lap band

2008, wow has it been that long, blogworld? im getting the lap band. im scheduled for april 2nd.

spinning

ah.... i dont have anything to say. just feel kind of bad that i havent written in so long. whats up w/me, im on the treadmill every other day, for 50-70 min lately. but my eating, oh yes, the eating... im not losing a thang, im spinning my wheels. those spurts of positivity are fleeting with me, always. i wish i just was thinner already, ive been so good at maintaining :) *pish* i used to be so "anti" plastic surgery but you know what, if i had the money, i'd be gettin a lap band right now! i heard its about as safe as gall bladder surgery these days. i think we may all be thin and on somma in the future. but i dont know if the world would be for the better b/c of it... anyways... so... keep on... dont give up... blah blah blah... isn't this kitten gif super cute????!!! ah crap, it's not moving. well, if you click on it, the kitten chases the butterfly.

happy anniversary

it's one year later. i started at 251.8 and 365 days later im 228.4 which makes me 23.4 lbs down. so that's good. the first 6 months were way more gung ho than the last 6 month. well, let's see how things is 6 months from now. happy anniversary, me :)

25 lbs down

right now i weigh 227.2 lbs, im at a full 25 down. im firmly and completely out of the 230's forever and ever. *phew*

i dont have that same insane happy feeling i did at 20 lbs down... maybe b/c it took me a really really long time to get here. meh, who cares how long it took, im here, that's whats important. it's my day off work, i napped on the couch for hours, and then watched oprah while eating a kimchee kimbop, then did 55 min walking on the treadmill while watching godzilla. man, that is one crappy movie.

Weight loss so far: 25.0 lbs
Biggest temptation: giving up.
My treat: letting go and going on.
My best discovery: banana AND mario

nov

it's november 1st. down 2.0 lbs this month. yeah me!

a rediscoverd joy

on sunday i went and did something that i havent done in a very very long time. i bought new clothes.

when i walk down the main drag in itaewon, always a vendor calls out to me, "big size! we have big size!" it's getting colder here, and i have one pair of pants that fit, and figured i'd best try to find something else to wear.

despite my loss thus far, i dont feel like ive lost anything. i dont feel like i look any different. i dont feel as tho my clothes fit different. i guess it wont be until i absolutely cannot wear a pair of pants without a belt that i will really see my progress. but clothes shopping was really uplifting! not only did i find a pair of jeans that fit, but the first couple pair i tried on were too big! hot damn!

i bought a coat that i love, it's so friggin cold here now. i bought a pair of pants that i didnt really want, actually, but the sales woman was so nice to me, i couldnt say no. but im glad i bought them now, i look super cute in them.

ive used either my elliptical or treadmill for 23 out of the last 30 days. yuppers.

fighting meh

from sparkpeople: Nearly everyone has experienced a time when it hardly seems worth the effort to get out of bed, or when the problems they face seem so overwhelming that they're not sure where to begin.

yuppers. but not today, i feel good :) and now, a message from dr ian.

It’s not unusual to get down on yourself when you’re making changes to how you live, especially after your initial excitement fades. I encourage you to face the issue and not ignore it. Take a quiet moment for yourself to think through what’s bringing you down, then remind yourself of why you are making these changes. Cling to your hope and not the lies or negativity that might be running through your mind. You WILL reach your goals, but know that managing depression can be part of the process. You might need to seek professional counseling to help you deal with what’s really bothering you. Don’t be afraid to seek the help that you need. Support is critical and millions have succeeded in getting their mind and body back on the positive track.

farewell

i had to get the cereal out of my house. it's just too much right now. with jc, i was controlling to one or two bowls a day, but now-a-days i can go through half a box and a whole carton of milk. i polished off a box today and told myself that maybe i ought to make a little change.

there's this cereal here in korea, i dont know the name, it looks like Chex or Life, but it's chocolate. chocolate, y'all. and i found a lacto free milk. the combonation is just too tempting.

i do love Cereal, but Cereal and i need to take a break for a while. Cereal, please understand. i still find you delicious. there's no other quick comfort food like you. and this is not goodbye... this is only, "until we meet again..."

fuck yeah

i stepped on the scale this morning and the number was 230.4.

meh

i have used the treadmill or did a dvd for 18 of the last 20 days. my scale is broken, but i know i was 232-ish or so. and my goal is to be 229-ish by october 1st. i estimate i eat under 2000 cal/day. at this rate, i think i will make that october goal.

and yet i still have that "so what" feeling, that "meh" all around me... this feeling of pointlessness and wanting to give up and thinking that im really just spinning my wheels and doing a whole lot of nothing. WHY do i feel that way? *sigh* strugglin. where's the feel good, dammit?!

im going to go home, and hop on my new used elliptical i got yesterday. i was only able to manage about 5 min last night. that shit is hard. i'll go for 8 minutes tonight.

treadmill

i bought a used treadmill this week! im excited!

ive only had it for three days, but i look at it like:

"I have used this treadmill every single day since i bought it."

roll eyes

son of a bitch. time goes by so slowly when one is trying to work out regularly and follow proper nutrition. but them 4 days of crappy eating can fly by like the wind!

ah ok, im 232.6. ok. ok. it's a new month, a new day. i'll be 229 by october. i proclaim it. i should be getting a fat paycheck soon b/c of all those extra classes i taught in the summer, i want to by an elliptical. k... im going to read inspiring blogs now.

*sigh*

<---this picture has nothing to do with this post, i just like it. i bought several of these beautiful big bead necklaces and bracelets whilst in ghana. i ended up giving them to gwen and angela (friends of mine who are jewelry makers) before coming to korea.

im still reading half of me, man i really really want to get my own computer. sometimes with all the cigarette smoke, being at the internet cafe really sucks. pero anyways, this girl just really is inspiring. the first several entries were her struggling, but continuing. gives me hope for my future... oh lawd i am strugglin!

for moments, i'll feel so clear and alert and aware. like telling myself, "self, you'll be 229 by the end of this month." perfectly reasonable, attainable goal, and i popped in a workout dvd and smiled through the whole thing. but later, im thinking about how tasty some cereal would be. *sigh*

and i so easily forget my accomplishments. ive lost 20 pounds, thats nothing to sneeze at! but i dont feel it. i feel like a "so what?" about it, which i shouldnt, goddess knows if i gained 20 pounds, i'd be pretty pissed off.

im going to go read more. get some more inspiration.

smarties

i feel like im smart again.

i went to buy chocolate milk the other day, and this time instead of just picking one, i tried to read each label to find the calories per serving. a little hard b/c its all in korean, but i can see the numbers, and it still says "cal" for calories. for all of them, one serving = 100ml (half a cup?) and one was 75cal, another 80cal, another 110. i found one for 60. same amount of chocolate milk, just less calories.

i realized that that near daily treat of canned peaches i eat is 400 calories for the whole can. jeez. i can eat one large apple 10oz sliced up nice and snack-like, for 147 calories. it takes longer to eat and keeps me fuller way longer.

and rice... way too much rice. one serving of rice (according to jenny) should be around 80-100 calories, which is 2ounces cooked. yesterday i ate like one fat meal instead of many small during the day, and that 10 ounces of rice on my plate looked like my pre-smart life style serving. and that 10 oz is 5 servings of rice! the lesson here is not that you shouldnt eat 5 servings of rice, but rather, if youre eating 5 at one time, realize that it's 5 and therefore lay off the starch for the rest of the day. and it's ok. it's just for the day. i can have rice again tomorrow.