i stumbled a little

{i must preface this with talking about my career change:
i am leaving for south korea in march to teach english.
it was the trigger that got me to start on a weight loss path}

12/15/06wow its been a HARD day and it's only 1pm! i ate a slice of pizza last night. it was in the fridge, it had shrimp and pepercinnis and onions, i dont know what else. ate it cold, while in bed, watching tv. and this morning i woke up and when i remembered it, i was like, "ah, shit."

i wanted to go off everything today b/c of that, like since i stumbled, i might as well "make it worth my while" and start the day off with the rest of that pizza. and wouldn't you know it, i went to the fridge and the pizza wasnt there! whose ever the pizza was (i have two roommates) must've taken it with them this morning.

so instead i started in on my jc menu for the day and ate half of it. i told myself, "well, if im going to eat, i'd better eat what i have planned for today" but see, i didnt have to eat half in one sitting! reflecting on that now, i was trying to set myself up. i was subconsciously going to eat all my food, be left with nothing later in the day, and then use that as an excuse to eat extra.

halfway through my menu i stopped b/c i was full. i got online, checked my email and BANG there was an email from korea. just a little friendly "glad to have you on the team" and that the contract is being drawn up, etc etc. Guys, it flipped a switch in my head. all at once i realized what i was doing with my food today, realized why i started this, realized that i slipped right into old habits, and most importantly, realized that i could choose to stop RIGHT NOW.

*sigh* so i did. ive taken a look at my menu, i havent deviated, i still have lots of fruits and veggies on the menu to eat today (b/c of course i ate all the "good stuff" first, hee-hee), and planned out how to eat them spaced for the rest of the day so i dont get too hungry.

guh, it's a long slow path to weight loss. especially since my poo-butt isnt exercising. time is so strange! it was just one or two days ago i was saying "hey, im out of the 250's, im doing great!" and then i eat pizza! im going to check out some home video workouts this week. maybe get a balance ball or something. i took a step class once, it was pretty fun. ok, self, check out a step video. and re-read my korea emails to fuel me up.