yogurt

i miss fat free yoplait strawberry yogurt. i see yoplait at the market, but it's the full fat stuff and tastes too thick to me. i need to check other stores. i found directions on how to make your own yogurt. maybe i'll try it one day.

perspective

ah man, ive been eating way too much ice cream lately... but moving on; after calculating i see that i've lost about one pound a week since i started in november. i rather like that, it's some nice steady progress. 5 pounds more and i'll be 25% towards my goal! and i am firmly under 100 lbs left to lose. i rock!

blogworld, it's really hard to keep things in perspective sometimes. i look in the mirror and i dont see a difference; i put on my clothes and they feel the same as they did last month; and had i a belt, would i even see a notch go down?! *sigh*

But one must step back and look at the whole picture. 26 lbs down is a lot. and yes it's happened slowly, but i worked for it. i could work harder maybe, but there's nothing wrong with how it's going now. no need to compare myself to others, im going to just take care of me.

im developing new life eating skills and pound by pound im getting rewarded for it. slow as this is going for me, time and pace doesnt matter b/c it's permanent this time. each pound is really gone, forever.

pat myself on the back

hello blogworld! im feeling so grown and mature and responsible that i had to share this!

so i have that gift certificate for Outback Steakhouse for writing that article for my school. and check me out b/c mature responsible me went online to outbacks website to check out healthy food options before i dine.

these little changes, y'all. they make the difference. Pre-JC Sha would've had a fit inside her head and say "i'm going to eat whatever i want, this is a gift certificate!" as if not paying for the food will take away all the calories. Post-JC Nutrition Conscious Sha stops and thinks... ive never even been to outback before. i dont even know what they have... ah, let's go online and see if we can plan the meal properly."

just like my gripe about drinking, i remember that i am grown and in charge and i can eat what i want... and i want to eat properly; not with gluttony.

dine by choice, not by chance. i dont live to eat. i eat to live. and nothing tastes better than thin feels. and... i am the warrior. Well I am the warrior. And heart to heart you'll win!

hypertnesion

i dont know if i told you, blogworld, but i have hypertension. my blood pressure shows as slightly elevated every time i go to the doctor, but right before i left for korea and had my last appointment, the doctor looked truly genuinely concerned and it scared me! she told me to get on some medication for it asap, even told me to go to urgent care to get the meds that day... i never got the meds, b/c im an asshole, who knows. i was just convinced that b/c im committed to these healthy lifestyle changes, it would go away by itself.

ok, i need to get over that. hypertension is called the silent killer... and im scared. a couple days ago i had a little dizzy spell, and it was probably after a workout and needing to eat, or needing water, etc, but it scared me b/c i was afraid i was having a heart attack and was going to die! not that i know what a heart attack feels like. but in the movies, the beginning of a heart attack always looks so harmless.

anyway, i am going to buy a blood pressure cuff today. need to monitor that... if it's high when i check it tonight (after being proudly 26 lbs lighter), i shall go see the doctor.

i looked up the prevention things for high blood pressure, and i follow all of them! but last time i had it checked was maybe two weeks into my arrival to korea (was only down around 10 lbs at the time), and the nurse looked worried and told me to come back in a couple of months to have it checked again.

hypertension prevention:

• reduce salt/sodium in your diet... i never put salt on anything!
  


• be physically active... me and cathe have been working on this for months.
  


• limit alcohol intake... i said before, i dont hardly drink.
  
  
• limit caffine intake... well, i do take in a lot of caffine from the coke zero. but i never touch coffee or anything else.
  


• dont smoke or use tabacco... i never smoked in the first place.
  


• practice healthy eating... and i do.
  


• hormones in birth control may elevate high blood pressure.... i use a bc method that's hormone free, dammit!
  


• maintain a healthy weight... ok, working on that one.
  


• african americans are more prone to hypertension... well, can't change that one.

dude, for real! work with me here, universe! im really trying! *sigh* for some reason, black people are more prone to hypertension than others. i didnt think it was necessarily a black thing, i thought it was b/c of the tastes for soul food which is very high in sodium, but i dont eat that... is it genetic? and i am still very overweight. now that part, i can change.

my name's bennet, and i aint in it.

whilst reading a couple of my favorite weight blogs, i came across a link to watch this documentary about obesity on pbs online.

i think i mentioned before about using caution with the word "addiction" b/c it may become a word to enable you. well me, i think so... i bet i have done a binge or ten of, "i cant help it. whats the point in stopping/trying, i'll give in anyway" sort of talk. i wonder everyday what is it that's different this time. i love my slow steady weight loss, and i dont feel like an addict or a victim, rather i feel very in charge of my life and my choices and feel blessed that this is my life right now. i feel so fucking proud that im doing this solely with smart food choices and exercise.

and how weird that people say their goal is to physically be the person that they just know they are on the inside. so people will see the real me... i will have more confidence... etc

i dont know if i ever felt that way. maybe a little? ive always been thick, i had a 6 months stint of being thin, and then back to thick again real quick. and for sure i missed the thin, but it's mostly surface things: i loved all my clothes, i loved crossing my legs, i loved my profile, i loved not being squeezed into a seat at the movies or in an airplane. yeah i want to keep losing weight for my health and all, but honest to god above that: i cant wait to wear my magic sweater again!

im not worried about fitting in or being liked/disliked, im not worried about what people will say or think. true i exercise at home and not in the gym, and maybe that's a little bit of modesty, but i think it's just as much just my nature, i stay solo and am content with it.

maybe i am shallow... or maybe i am confident. or maybe i'm over medicated.

im workin' out! yeah!

hot damn, i gots me a dvd player! dont tell my parents, but i hit up a coworker for a loan and bought one. i couldnt wait anymore! i was a little bit embarrassed, but that all went away the minute i hooked it up and started the step dvd!

i got the dvd player on tuesday 4/3. my weight has been bouncing between 229-231 for weeks, i decided that that day would be the last day i ever weigh 230-something. im 228 today! feeling very happy!

really, it just makes a huge difference. im pretty happy here in korea, tho these last few days $ has been thin. but now i get up in the morning and can get that workout, i feel so much healthier, i swear. yeah, it aint been since i was in the hotel that i've been able to hang out with cathe. she completes me. just kidding. not really.