keeping track

i havent weighed in in days! WEEKS, even! heavens to murgatroid! and here it is with january almost all the way gone! and the month may finish with me losing zero pounds! maybe even a gain! boo, i say, boo! *sigh* well, blogworld, the exercise has been pretty good these last few days, but the eating... oh the eating! ha! the end of the day has been a weak point for me. ah well. make oneself aware and then one can deal. i am still not 250-something where i started, and that is something. i will tie this together this week; i will be conscious of my food choices and i will do some exercise. ok, the goal this week is 3 days doing both of these golden. i was looking at meghan's blog and her chart is so inspiring. little by little and boom, she's near 40 pounds down. i'm taking a page out of her book and adding a chart along the side of the blog. when i look at it, im proud of my little 1-2 pound loss. it adds up. ok meghan, im here with you again, girl! i'll leave january at 240! i'll leave february in the 230's!

doing this exercise thang

january 22, 2007

i have been doing so great w/exercise lately!

*on 1/18, i did the warm up of my step workout, did a little further into the workout, and part of the warm up again.

*on 1/19 i walked from my dentist appointment to the trolley stop; there was more, i did quite a bit of walking that day. like went up the stairs twice while at the trolley station.

*on 1/20, i didnt write down what i did. prolly part of my step workout.

*on 1/21, i walked from bus station to my transfer point (two times, i think), i did around 20 min on the elliptical machine at work (no one was left in the office but me and i finally said to myself, "i HAVE to take advantage of this private time.") and when i got home, i did a few minutes on my aerobic rider!

now i must be honest and say that i have not been all on point w/my planned eating. but i think, no i really FEEL and KNOW that that little phase is done. i went to my jc appointment on saturday 1/20 and i had a loss of 2.2 or so lbs, which is my biggest jc drop in a week ever. very nice! i've not done my morning weigh in lately, and i think i will start again. i think not weighing tied in with my nonsensical eating. i am bummed that it'll be 245's (ive been weighing sporadically & it's been around there), but heck, 239 is around the corner. im on my way there.

just saying hi

hello blogworld! im still here! still in the very low 240's, not as low as i'd like it to be, but hey it's still progress. i blog daily on sparkpeople and here on blogger i type more detailed, "finished" pieces of writing. like, writing after i've reflected and analyzed it and all. so, really just posting today to make it known im still here and still progressing. hello to my co-worker cassie, she's a sweetheart. this one time there was spinach dip in the office, and when asked if i wanted some, i replied, "uhm... im going to think about it for 10 minutes," ya'know, just trying to get hold of the automatic office snack eating, and cassie overheard me and said "yea!" it was really cute. i turned down the dip altogether that day, and her celebrating me sure helped out. ah, i do want to toot my own horn right quick and say that today i did 30 min on and off my aerobic rider, AND the warm up section of my step workout. shoot, im'a go do some push-ups right now just for good measure!

239 already?!

the scale bounced between 239.6 - 239.8 during my morning weigh in! wow! i wasnt even thinking about the 230's yet! anybody reading this: nutrition, nutrition, nutrition. i still dont hardly exercise (im not proud of that, im working on it) but if you watch your overall caloric intake during the day, you can still lose. slowly for sure, but you'll lose. do it right and exercise, you'll have lost 3x the weight i have by now, like my homegirl Meghan.

writing everything down has been really helpful too. im doing jc so i KNOW what im eating, but still, to physically write it down, the time im eating it, the calories it has, makes me aware. at the end of each day, i write "caloric goal" and "today's calories," and if i follow properly, it's around or under 1700. just to see it on paper, it helps.

there's a forum on sparkpeople "What did you turn down?" i think that is so wonderful! im going to start writing that in my log as well, see it on paper evidence of how committed i am. i turn down stuff everyday! i need to celebrate that!

also decided that instead of logging "D-Day" for days i deviated from jc, i'll instead write, "my treat." it's so much more positive. i shouldnt feel bad or ashamed or guilty if i have something outside of jc every so often. it's like acknowledging that i watch my nutrition on most days, MOST not ALL/EVERY day/meal. which is the goal. i owe a thanks to kenzi for that concept "treat."

is this image not the gayest thing you've ever seen!? google image search for the word "positivity!" it's not nice to say gay... i'll probably delete that the second i get a note from someone who is offended.

blueberry muffins

i take the bus to work, and during transit i have to transfer buses at the mall, and everyday i have to walk past the snack cart that has these big, beautiful blueberry muffins on display. fuuuuuuuck.... jenny craig makes a fantastic blueberry muffin, actually, but since i have to choose a breakfast, cereal wins everytime. but oh, i cant stand even looking at this picture of blueberry muffins! i mean, really, what's NOT good about a blueberry muffin! well, the calories. ok, im over it.

oi, lutong bahay na!

(geez, it's only been two days since that last post where i was feeling so strong and proud?)

oh wow i really got to share right now. this afternoon i took my mom out (mom is filipino) and we went to Karihan and she bought pansit, kare kare with bagoong, and some pork dish, i forget the name. and holy fuck it all smelled so SO good. like so good you stop and close your eyes and just stand there smelling everything. i took her home and hung out, i two bites of pansit and one bite of the pork, then i grabbed a coke zero and heated up my jc meal and went into the other room. and you know what, blogworld, i was JUST FINE.

reflecting on it, i WAS really hungry, i hadn't eaten in a few hours. but one side of me said, "yeah, it smells great, but do i really want this or need this right now?" filipino food is for sure my favorite but it's not going anywhere. there's 101 filipino restaurants in the neighborhood and i could go any time. (well, i am leaving for korea in a few weeks, but you knw what im saying). i instead thought to myself, "i have lost 11.2 pounds, im glad for it, but that's not enough. i want more. im in charge and i can make things happen."

today i wanted a taste, i had them bites and i enjoyed it, and i guess that's all i really needed. i sat on the couch eating jc and a weight watchers commercial came on and i thought to myself, "i been done started my new years resolution."

feeling very proud of myself right now.

10 lbs Down

oops, i forgot to do my little 10 pound sum up! so i'll do it now. reflecting on this month; well actually, reflecting since 11/19 when i started, it's really emotionally fulfilling to know i have lost 10 lbs. During, it felt like it was taking forever. now it doesnt seem so. i feel really good know that it's 10 real pounds, not water weight from fasting; and i that i did it with using proper nutrition. i am now, of course, nervous that this will be it & i'll not do another 10 pounds. but i will. that's just nerves.

Weight loss so far: 10 lbs

Biggest temptation: pan de sal. my parents buy
a fresh baked bag every sunday. *sigh*

My treat: little croissant sandwiches after a kwanzaa mixer.

My best discovery: the grocery store now has cherries! :)

never stop trying

i'd glanced at this article about some woman who was on dr phil, heavy, then came back months later with much weight loss. her 1st appearance she said she blamed her father for her low self esteem, i dont remember why. nothing tragic, wasnt molested or anything, i think something about him judging her. when she came back to the show, she said she felt her blame was misplaced.

what's my point, ok, yeah, i love my parents & i got beef with them, like everyone does with their parents; but after a while, we have to take charge of our own lives and take responsibility for ourselves. those that know me may think this sounds funny as i am a staunch liberal and believer in affirmative action, women's rights, any program that assists underprivileged, under represented, under served populations. but it has to be a two way thing... you may get a little help, but what are you doing to help yourself? stop blaming, stop giving in, stop giving up, keep on going, keep on trying! and if you fall, acknowledge that you have more work to do. then get up and do it. i hope that months or years from now, people will see this webpage about me going from 252 to 130 and be inspired, but god please dont think jc is the answer. jc is my help, but it's me doing this. no weight loss program will work until you take charge. see your shrink, pop some pills and hit the gym! just kidding. not really.

i'd read somewhere of some woman's "a-ha" moment, the moment she decided to really work and lose her weight. she was at a book signing for some fitness guru that was on oprah, and the woman ahead of her was saying "how am i supposed to fit in exercise, i've got two kids, i have to cook for my husband, i work, etc etc." and the Guru just looked at her and said, "you're not ready to lose weight." he signed the next book & went on about his business. kind of cold. but completely right.

home workouts

dont i already have a post titled "home workouts?" anyway, i was reading this msn forum about exercise embarrassment really interesting! though i dont think i feel quite as paranoid as others expressed, i for sure feel a degree of it, i know it; it's why i dont have a gym membership.

i've wasted so much money on gyms over the years. the only one i really enjoyed was The Women's Club, a gym exclusively for women, and i really only went once a week: to the hip hop dance class. i friggin loved that class, my moves looked so tight compared to all them white people! ok, nah, just kidding... they dont lack rhythm b/c they're white... i just used to club a lot and really really like dancing. but now i cant even bring myself to go to the occasional dance workshop, i got anxieties.

i remember i got so excited when a curves opened up in my neighborhood, and yup i didnt never go there neithers. i just canceled my membership to curves last week, i've been making a monthly donation to them for like 3 years. i bet i've been there less than 20 times. well, at least it's a black-owned curves. Ujamaa!

anyway, HOME WORKOUTS are the way to go! especially for those first few days/weeks/months that you feel self conscious. i got my aerobic rider that i love, my balance ball that i play with, and the step set just arrived and i'm excited to start that too. in a while, i'll feel more confident, and will be able to hit the gym with like it aint nothin, like my homegirl meghan. or maybe i just wont want to... that's fine... as long as i keep moving and the scale does so too, downward.

oh shoot, and you know what? it's so super great to say to myself that i started my new year resolution a month and a half ago and am already down 10 lbs. im so fierce! grrrr.