kenzicle

11/30/06 hello world. it's around 11:30 pm, just got off work and im home. feeling very calm and peaceful. today i read this girls' entire blog. it's her weight loss blog. she started at 220 and is now at 160 or so? but she looks fantastic, more like 130-ish. *sigh* it was so inspiring. a lot of other weight loss blogs ive read mysteriously stop. they are set up super nice, have a link for tracking weight, for tracking exercise, etc, and it goes from 2/05 to 6/05 and then nothing. or it starts off as a weight loss blog, but then the entries are no longer about weight, but about life, pop culture, etc, not that people cant blog about that but it made me think "these people dont want to talk about their weight anymore..." and i know why. it was starting to depress me, like, does it work for anybody? can anybody lose all this weight and keep it off? so many times i've tried and stuck with a diet for 2 days and then give up and feel crappy. this time, this is going to be the last weight loss program i ever do, ive made up my mind, this is the time that i will get control of my eating and never be over 200 pounds again, im sure of it. and i was beginning to think that maybe i was wrong, finding all these others who attempted and failed to do what im trying to do, how am i any different? then the goddesses let me find kenzi's blog, and now everything is ok again. kenzi, i dont know you, girl, but i love you.

ow, my calcaneal fisular ligamen!

11/30/06 today is thursday but its my friday, yeah! its morning, my ankle is a little tight, im doing some light limping. it's common for me, if i was active a lot the day before (like when i used to dance) my ankle would be tight the next day. i distinctly remember when it would happen YEARS ago, i'd be kind of proud of it b/c it was a result a hard dance practice. and i remember a few MONTHS ago, i was ashamed of it b/c it was a result of nothing more than being heavier than my body could handle. TODAY i feel... well, not ashamed. never ashamed anymore b/c im actively doing something to resolve the thing that shames me. i dont have the "proud" feeling (sad that i dont dance anymore. no, i should say, "i dont dance right now."). i dont know, i guess i just feel aware. im thinking to take the bus to work today, but between walking and bussing,it's only a difference of about 30 min. meh, i'll see how i feel.

oh yeah, i weigh 246.4 today!!!! im thinking i should take the bus to "reward" myself, but on the other hand, that's not very positive, using inactivity as a reward... lol.

week 2 day 11

this is a template for my future blogs. i just found this other blog of a woman tracking her weight loss. VERY inspirational, it's all in kilograms (she began at 90?) and i've not checked what that is in pounds, but you can see her pictures and this girl has really done done it. every week she'd put up a post titled with the week and day she was on and summed up each month as so:
Weight loss so far: 7 kgs
Biggest temptation: Not having seconds of baked potato at dinner
My treat: One bite of my bosses home made chocolate birthday cake. One bite won't hurt!
My best discovery: Not stopping after one lap is the easiest way to get away from 65 year old men asking you "Hows it going, luv?"
how wonderful is that! im going to do that too. maybe not track it by weeks/days, tho. i used to do that a lot with former diets and the counting is not healthy for me, i think. i'd slip and think, "i blew it, now im back down to zero/day one." terrible. now i think about the long term. maybe i'll do it by month. or maybe by every 10 pounds lost.

food for thought

11/29/06 with jenny craig, you get this motivational cd with 28 motivational messages to listen to for 28 days. i listened to the first 15 min or so the other day. former me would poo-poo such a thing, saying it's cheesy and all. but i put that negativity aside to listen. i do believe in the power of the mind and if i go in thinking something is lame, then it will be. funny, the cd talked about that, that telling yourself things like, "i already messed up today, so i'll just eat this cake," or "man, i didnt go to the gym, im such a lazy ass," etc, those are self fulfilling prophecies. they seem like harmless little statements, but to say them to yourself, maybe not even out loud, that does something to you. instead, say positive things. i dont remember what any of them are right now, i'll go back to that another time :) as i was listening to the cd, one thing really stuck out to me was something along the lines of making this the last weight loss program you ever do. i firmly believe it will be. i really pay attention now to what i eat, how many calories it is, etc. I used to do so much mindless eating. like those chicken nuggets! im mindful now. go, me!

fatfighterblogs.com

i thought i was so smart and clever with my little jenny craig blog... i found this website today, a blog directory of people blogging about their weight loss. HA! who did i think i was? :)

stinky nuggets

11/28/06 i just read this post on sparkpeople~

"Ok so today I ate chicken nuggets from the grocery store's frozen section and really didnt pay attention to the content until I put it in the food tracker WOW 520 calories for 8 stinky nuggets!! And they werent that great!!"

Holy cow, 520 calories for 8 nuggets! damn the food industry! its a wonder we overeat. im glad to be learning what's in my food, nutritional and caloric value, etc. i mean, those 8 nuggets are equal to like 2 entire lean cuisines.

ONLY ONE POUND

Hello, do you know me? If you don't, you should. I'm a pound of fat, and I'm the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet. Want to know why? It's because no one ever wants to lose me; I'm ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound! Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds, or fifteen pounds, but never only one. So I just stick around and happily keep you fat. Then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice it. That is, until I've grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight. Yes, it's fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT, left to do as I please. So, when you weigh in keep right on saying, "Oh, I only lost one pound." (As if that were such a terrible thing.) For you see, if you do this, you'll encourage others to keep me around because they'll think I'm not worth losing. And, I love being around you -- your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you. Happy Days!!! After all, I'm only one pound.

movin to the country

the jc program requires a good amount of supplemental groceries. vegetables and fruit everyday, i like these little packs of diced peaches. they're 80 calories per 4 ounce single serve cup. now, with the jc tuna salad kit you get a cup of peaches, and it looks exactly like this cup i get at the supermarket. jc is not miracle food, the food can be bought and prepared by you, you can do it outside of the program. If youre wanting to try a jc menu, try the menu on sparkpeople.com, it's like a myspace, but for people working on nutrition and weight loss. there's a calorie counter, a weight log, an exercise log; it's all free, highly recommended by me for support and info, and it also comes with a menu you can follow to help you with whatever your goals are. im thinking i will use it when i leave jc. the cost of jenny craig is a lot, for sure, but i really like it so far and heck, ya know, try it for a solid month, and then stop if i want to. i guess im writing this for anyone thinking about doing jc but the cost is an obstacle, try sparkpeople. or try any lower calorie menu that has all the food groups. dont let money be your excuse. jeez, lose 4 pounds and i just have to act like i know some things, huh? i have to take my own advice, really, b/c im not doing any exercising other than my walk to work b/c i dont have a gym membership, knowing full well that there are plenty of exercises one can do at home.

it's time for the happy banana!

on 11-11-06, i weighed 251.8. Today the scale greeted me with 247.6!

eating on purpose

it was around 6:30pm when i got home. i was at my parents house all day, so before i left the house, i packed my jc food to bring with me. i hadnt yet gone shopping for all the supplementals for this week's jc menu, so i found myself home after grocery shopping, still having to eat an apple, a cup of canned pears, 2 single servings fat free yogurt, 1.5cups of zucchini, 2 tbs Parmesan cheese, 1 ounce of low fat cheese, 2 tsp of margarine, and 1 cup of strawberries. eating on purpose like this isnt nearly as fun as sitting in front of the tv with #4 from the taco shop... i met with the jc counselor on saturday and she told me that it's important to eat ALL your food for that day, no matter how late it is. and i agree, to not eat it all is to make myself crazy craving hungry the next day. *sigh* weight loss happens so slowly. it's been one week and i lost 1.6 pounds. patience, grasshopper. think of the long term.

coke zero

there is no cola in the world better than coke zero. i drink nearly a liter a day. it's just like coke, only not as sweet, and doesnt have that ick diet taste. if they come out with a caffine free version, you all better buy stock b/c my purchases alone will make you rich. i dont know what's the difference between the white can and the black can. the black can is sexier. i like it flat so i shake it to take down the carbonation. today i read that the sweetner used is aspartame which many say causes brain cancer. it's the same stuff they use to make splenda. "oh, this coke zero is so refreshing! my brain hurts!"

photo & weight log

on november 19, 2006 i signed up with jenny craig.

my starting weight was 251.9 pounds.

******

i'd read in another blog, "you cannot change what you do not acknowledge." so here are my monthly photos and weigh ins: real numbers, real lighting, really these are pictures of me. granted i may choose to put up the one with the most flattering angle, my cutest smile, etc, but for reals, i took these pictures and this really is what i look like. i've seen a few websites of people posting in their bra and panties... uhm, no, you wont be seeing that here ever.

******

*********

**********

*****

jc & me

i used to feel like i was nerdy or pathetic or something b/c of all the time i spend on the internet lately, but then i read on a forum of some guy who had like 3 myspace profiles, 3 bloggers, 3 live journals, etc. Someone asked him why he had so much, he simply repsonded, "its a hobby." that made me feel better, internet surfing is a hobby, the more i learn how to do something, the more im online. i recently started learning bits about html, so i've been on blogger a lot. so here's a new blog for me, about me working on weight loss. im starting out with the jenny craig program. thats not my foot, btw, i just love google image search...